Ten Years of Brad's Rule

Ten years ago, on October 13th, Brad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

A few weeks earlier, I took a selfie on an empty beach in the Upper Peninsula. We were celebrating our wedding anniversary and five years of my remission from two bouts of cancer. For years, that photo marked the line between before and after.

The pain in Brad's back that we thought was an infection turned out to be cancer.

Brad was the guy who elbowed you and asked, "Hey, what's your story?" He wanted the real answer. What gets you excited. What keeps you up at night. The dreams you're too afraid to say out loud.

A diagnosis didn't change that. "Don't treat me with kid gloves," he told anyone who asked what he needed. His biggest fear wasn't dying. He was afraid cancer would silence us.

So he made himself a rule.

He started breaking his life into 100-day increments. At the start of each one, he'd decide what actually mattered. Not what was urgent. Not what anyone expected. What was worth his time.

In that time, he decided his goals were to connect and contribute. Connect with friends and family, and contribute his story to the world. He wrote, he podcasted, he had long conversations that lasted into the middle of the night. That was what was most important. And he honored that.

He only got to use his rule once. He died on January 22nd, 101 days after his diagnosis.

For a long time, I couldn't look at his rule without seeing the ending. One hundred days was what cancer gave him. It felt like a countdown.

Now I see it another way. Brad made the rule after he got a deadline. But everyone has one. Most of us just can't see it.

He kept a sticky note on my computer when I was afraid to publish my writing:

Use your voice. Don't apologize. Be honest. Have fucking fun.

That's the spirit of his rule, too. It was never about grim urgency. It was about looking at the time you have and deciding, on purpose, what gets to fill it.

So here's his question, ten years later:

If today started your last 100 days, would your life already reflect it?

The Next 100 Days Challenge kicks off October 13th, ten years to the day after Brad's diagnosis. It's his rule, one week at a time.